Smiles or laughter? Friends or not?

You know, I would stop everything I do wrong for you.
I'm a horrible person.
I bring out the worst in people.
But you and I are legit the same person.
I can't explain it. You and I just make sense.
But maybe you and I make no sense, and it just seems to make perfect sense, because when nothing else IS making sense, the wrong is right...
Right?
Maybe. Who knows? I sure as hell don't. I don't know anything anymore.
All I know is nothing in this damn world ever makes sense.
Then on the other hand.
There is this perfect boy.
Blonde/blue/vw.
Perfect I tell you.
But everything else.. is where perfection turns to absolutely flawed.
No exaggeration either.
I never get grounded. Or in any amounts of trouble.
But he gets limited driving.. A time for his phone.. and can't see me.. ever.
Now what the fuck is that shit?
He makes me smile.
But how does a constant smile compare to constant laughter.
Well I'll tell you how it compares.
Sometimes you have to settle for just smile, because laughter all the time is too impossible.
No one is always happy, and laughter is always happiness.
Smiling, can be false.
People can hide behind their smiles.
You can't hide behind laughter.
So I'll choose my perfectly flawed man, and smile.
Because laughter is an impossible dream.

My friends are all amazing.
I love each one with my whole heart.
I promise you.
No matter what I'm about to say.
I love them, Always and forever.
But then again...
They do seem to have a lot of things to say behind my back.
I have a drinking problem?
Oh do I now?
Hmmm yes I MUST.
"Because when someone goes to college, and drinks everyday, it's okay, because honey, its college life, it makes sense."
Is that what you guys are telling me?
Are all of you feeding me lies, telling me that it's okay for everyone else to do something utterly stupid, because it makes SENSE?
Did I not just go over how nothing in this world makes sense?
You are all still underage. You are all still immature, irresponsible, and stupid.
You wanna know what I know.
I know, that each and every one of you, have consumed more alcohol than me all year.
But I get blamed for having a problem because I did it three nights in a row.
Cool. I think that's totally fair.
Because now if we think of this in reality..
Lets say, that I drank those three times.. but periodically throughout the week.
Oh look... Problem solved.
Because it wasn't three days in a row, she MUST not have a problem.
Just having a good time.
You are all pathetic. and I truely hate you sometimes.
Tell me how me drinking periodically, and three days in a row is different?
Yeah, I'm still making myself seem like either way I should have a problem..
But let me clear things up for you.
Each one of you, like I said, drank more than me this whole year.
But I drink three times in a week, and am accused of having a problem.
You wanna know what your guys' problems are?
You are horrible friends.
Because instead of talking to ME ABOUT MY SO CALLED FUCKING PROBLEMS...
you talk shit to eachother.
You all suck. You really do.
Who does that shit? Oh right, MY FRIENDS.
"ughhh it makes me so mad she said that! I could tell you what SHE says about you but I don't."
Yeah. You don't. So who is shitty? Her for telling me what you say behind my back, or you for not telling me what she says behind my back?
Hmmm, lets see.. YOU'RE BOTH SHITTY.
Do you guys even know what the word "friend" means?
Do you know that "talking shit on your 'friends'" ISNT IN THE DEFINITION.
Just thought you would like to know.
"Have you drank every day this week?"
"No, just three.."
"It's wednesday."
"Okay yeah, everyday."
"Wow, ha."
Yeah? Coming from YOU?!
You have fuckin nerve.
I never ever ever ever judge you for drinking.
Or having sex. Or saying stupid stuff.
I dont judge you.
Now why do you have to judge me?
Why can't you just let me do what I want?
Why is it, that once I start doing something that you do everyday, once in awhile, I'm wrong.
When you go back to college your fuckin screwed.
I don't even wanna know what you are going to turn into this year.
I really hope you dont forget about me cause i've been here through it all.
I hate what you guys say about me.
And how you all hate me, but wont say it to my face.
But .. Like I said..
I will for always love you.
No matter what.