Last I heard, Silver was better.

You grow up hearing that she will always be your best friend, and that no matter what, you can always trust her, and go to her about everything. You grow up not knowing that one day, you will see she's actually your worst enemy. That you will be judged more by her, than any other girl in school, or any other boy you see at the mall. You will be judged by every single move you make, every single word you speak. You will be compared to something greater than you, and it will eat you alive. No matter how hard you once tried to get that spot light, for even a minute, you grow to realize you will always, and i mean always, be second best. That hard work was for nothing. No. I will never be golden. Last I hear, Silver was better.But who I am, is what I'll be. Who I am, is what you made me. So when you look at me with those judmental eyes, and think all the things i know you will never say, think twice about how i got this way. I dont pick this stuff up on the side of the street. The difference between me and him, I wont be there to sweet talk to, I'll tell you when I dont agree, and when i think what you said, did, are going to do, is FUCKED up. Judge me, I'm stronger now than I have ever been. So in a way, I'm thanking you mom. Thank you for judging me, and making me feel like I'll never be good enough to be your favorite. Thank you mom for yelling at me for being lazy, when he hasn't done a damn thing all week. Thank you mom, for when people ask how your kids are, you start off will talking their ears off about how great your SON is. You have three other children mother. A daughter included. You dont think it hurts when you go on and on about how he is so damn great and so damn perfect, and what can you say about me ma? I know I dont play basketball. and I dont get the grades he does. But you wanna know what I blame it on ma?.. You. You are the reason i dont give a fuck about what i become. About what i have done. Or what i WILL do. You wanna know why i fuck up? You wanna know why i fuck up more than you will ever know ma? Because its better than coming home, and making you think I'm trying to be the best i can be for you. I will go and get hammered. I will go and fail my classes. You wanna know why ma? Cause i dont care what you say about me. I'll never be him. I'll never WANT to be him. Personally, I hate having my picture taken, so why would I want pictures i hate of me up on your walls? You should keep his up there forever. Wait, ma.. Did you forget you have a daughter? Did you forget that she fucking ROCKS at singing, and who loves to dance more than anything? No. Will you?.. No. I dont want you to know. The person i am, is because of you. The person I'm becoming is because of you. You got strong from your mistakes. And now i'm getting stronger from those mistakes too. Who knew that not only you would learn and grow from fucking up in your life huh ma? "Your nothing like your brother when it comes to this" .. I'm nothing like my brother ever. I dont have the father, or the mother that he does. When i say he's golden, I'm saying he's the best looking fucking gold chain at Kays. You wanna know the difference between me and him ma?... I'll never be what you want me to be, And he's already everything you formed him into. He can be your puppet. I'll be your stray dog. When I run away, will you miss me? Will you call? Will you get everyone to look for me? Will you talk everyones ears off about how your such a good mother, and that you wish you could have done something to keep me here? Or will you do exactly what you do now. Make me look like the fool ma? Do i look like a fool to you? I bet I do. Ask me if i care. Cause I will tell you straight up, I dont give a fuck. You and I are close: so close I can walk in and out of your life, and it wont make a difference. Keep up what your doing ma. You think I will change my mind? Do you think I'll be your puppet? Your robot? Your doll? I wont. Next time you come to me and talk about how its okay that i dont like my father, you might wanna talk about how its okay to not like my mother too. Lets throw in my stepfather too. What happens ma, when every single parent you have, you hate? No ma. Don't take that the wrong way. I dont hate you. I hate what you do. what you say. I disrespect you. I dont agree with what you do. what you say. Judge me ma. Gives me all the more strength so that i can walk away. So thank you mom, for making me not know what the real definition of love is. For making me think love isnt real. and for making me feel like there will always be someone more important than me. Thank you mom. Cause all of my flaws, are from you. And like I said, the last I heard, Silver was better.