...

I love him.

She lefts her books, her car, her clothes and note...

I honestly wishhh, I wasn't the kind of girl to get so hooked on someone famous.
Being completely in love with a guy from a band, is the biggest let down that someone can go through.
Yeah, I'll probably meet him one day.. But BE with him?
Come on.
But the hope that comes with it..
Because why couldnt you be at the same place as them, and just start to talk?
Yes, the chances of that happening are slim to none.
But it's the idea that it COULD happen.
And being so close in age.
Well, close enough.
And then today, watching a video of a guy from another band hanging out and being all over a girl my age, when he is like 25.. maybe? .. just gives me even more hope.
But there should be like a law that says famous people can't date a nobody.
THAT way, people like me, wont think about it all the time. When it's clearly never going to happen.
Being a girl is so stupid.
and being a girl who just believes in someone so much from their music and what they stand for sucks.
Because all I want, is to be able to prove that I'm someone he could like.
LIKE I HATE BEING IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW.
Seriously.
SCREW celebrity crushes. They suck.
And they actually break your heart more than real guys that are around you all the time.
Ughhh. Being a nobody, a girl, and someone who lives in PA, effin sucksss.

All that I wanted was to walk you home.

I'm not one hundred percent sure if I like knowing I'm second best.
No matter what I do.
How does that happen?
How does that possibly happen?
Afterrr all the shit?
likeee I'm second best.
really?
I dont know.
You've known her longer.. right?
sooo I guess that makes sense.

She's gonna..
You're world is gonna fall apart.
You're excited and anxious to see if she will.
She will. I promise.
And you aren't gonna tell me.
Or maybe you will.
I don't know.
I don't know anything right now.
I'm furious.
Upset.

I want to run away from everyone.
I don't want anyone to follow me.
I don't want anyone to try to talk me out of it.
I just want to go.
With my music, myself, and my books.
Please just give me a way to run away.
I don't wanna be here with these people.
With this incapability to change ANYTHING.

Everyone. Leaves.
Everyone. Hurts.
Everyone. Hurts someone else.
Life, is a bitch.
And you can't change a damn thing about it.

One dayyyy you'll leave.
and that day... I will too.

Release.

My blogs are long,
Because I wait until I have so much to say,
and I can just type it all out at once.
Well. I have too much to say this time.
And I don't care who reads this, and who doesnt,
Cause quite frankly, this isn't about you.
It's about me. It's for me.
Because I can't tell my "real" friends SHIT anymore.
I honestly believe I HATE everyone.
I can't stand anyone anymore.
No, I can't stand YOU either.
Chances are, I hate whoever IS reading this.
Everyone about everyone, is driving me crazy.
I reached the point where I don't give a fuck,
But I still care too much.
Does that even make sense?
Probably not.
I want new friends.
I want a new everything.
Ya know, a new life would be nice.
I know my former post said something along the lines of if I had my health, I had it all.
Yes. Technically, that is all very true.
Because without my health, I wouldn't be able to think this way.
My thoughts wouldn't be my own.
But when you think about it..
When you REALLY think about it..
That wouldn't be so bad.
You wouldn't have to think for yourself.
Someone/something else would do it for you.
You don't have to worry about what you do wrong,
because they always have another excuse for it.
You always have a way out when you're sick.
You don't when youre healthy.
I wish, I could punch the face in of everyone I talk to.
No one understands me anymore.
Yeah, totally a cliche thing to say.
But ya never understand what people mean by that, till it happens to you.
I legit KNOW that NO ONE understands me anymore.
Nothing I do or say is ever good enough.
Nothing is mine.
I have nothing to myself.
I hate when someone has to be better than me.
Yes, I suck at life.
Throw that in my face a little more, please.
Please. I would love you to do that more.
I beg you. As IF I don't get enough of that at home.
You have to do it now too?
Like, really?
You're not better than me.
STOP FUCKING ACTING LIKE IT.
EVERYTHING, is a competition with you.
Everything. Reading, singing, running, talking, school, friends.
Like, just stop.
Stop it. Before I flip out.
Before you lose me.
Because you need to realize that I lose everyone.
Losing YOU, wont phase me.
YOU are fake.
YOU are a bitch.
YOU are huge.
and YOU SUCK AT LIFE.
No, I dont care if you know how he is.
Because you don't know him like I do.
SO GET OVER YOURELF CHAMP.
You suck. and you know it.
You're a crazy bitch, and yes EVERYONE TALKS SHIT ON YOU,
just like YOU TALK SHIT ON EVERYONE.
You think we don't know? WE ALL FUCKING KNOW.
You're a bitch from hell, and I ask myself everyday why I haven't told you off for good.
Because honestly.
You. Your opinion. Your friendship. MEANS NOTHING TO ME.
Nope. NOTHING. Why are you still my friend?
I don't know.
Because I'm selfish.
I'm messed up too.
NO ONE said I was sane.
No one said I was nice.
I dont know why people think I'm not a monster.
BEATS ME.
Cause then there is you..
Oh you.
Oh youuu!
You're a bitch.
I hate you more than the other one.
I hate you. So much. That I wish I could never talk to you ever again.
You, betrayed me.
You, forgot about me.
You, replaced me.
Well you know what?
I dont care.
You were the best friend I've even had.
Then you weren't.
I've had enough experience in my life,
To know that everyone leaves... No matter WHAT they promise you.
I'm only there when its convenient for You.
I don't really roll that way, thanks.
I wont be the person thats always there no matter how shitty of a friend you are.
You went from being the best friend I've ever had, to the worst in about 3 months.
HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?!
I hope it makes you feel good.
Because you got what you wanted.
You replaced me..
So now, when you stay home, YOU'LL HAVE NO ONE.
No more me.
How does that make you feel?!
I HOPE AMAZING.
Cause you always get what you want.
Bitch.
Rumor has it.. I havent grown up.
LISTEN YOU DUMB BITCH.
If you even went through a quarter of what I have been through in my life..
You would know that I'm more mature than you ever were.
LIKE HUNNY. really? Who is your best friend?
THE BIGGEST BITCH, and the most immature bitch in our school.
But I havent grown up?
Seriously.
Why? Because I don't give a shit what comes out of my mouth?
Because I "vent" over facebook?
HUNNY SO DO YOU.
You are a fucking hypocrit.
And I hate YOU the most out of all my "friends".
Since when, doesnt your shit stink?
Huh? Since when, are you fucking better than me?!
You're not.
You, are stuck on your boyfriend...
Good.
I'm so glad that when you look back on your highschool career, you get to say,
"I hung out with my boyfriend"
YOU AND I WERE FUCKING FINE, until schoool started.
Then all of a sudden you were better than me?
Cool.
You'll never be better than me.
You'll always be a bitch.
No. You'll always be a crazy bitch.
And no one cares about you.
No one even KNOWS you.
Like really.
You hang out with no one.
You talk to no one.
YOU have no life.
BHAHAHAH good. Cause you SUCK at the life you DO have.
How could you ever call yourself a father?
You, should have just killed yourself a long time ago.
Or, you should have done something that put your dumbass in jail for the rest of your life.
You. Have no soul. No heart.
You. Are evil.
If I never see you again, I wouldn't care.
I will no show up at your funeral. And I will not forgive when youre dead.
You dont deserve it.
You walked out on my mother when you found out I was being born.
You deserve to take your alcoholic self to a tree and wrap yourself around it.
I hate you.
I hate you so fucking much.
Do you have any idea how hard you made these past few weeks?
How much trouble it was to use 2 cars for 4 people in this family that drives?
How fucking dare you.
You. Are a piece of shit.
The one person in your life that loved you with every flaw,
you fucked over. SO GOOD FOR YOU.
I hope you die alone.
Please, die alone.
Die with your six pack next to you.
Die with my brothers car on top of you.
I hate you.
I dont care what happens to you.
Thanks for the pool, asshole.

I need help.
I want out so bad.
Not of life.
Justtt, this one.. I guess.
I want to lead a different life.
Maybe thats what I'm trying to get at.
I hate everyone, because everyone hates me.
No one understands where I'm coming from, and I cant handle it.
I'm so alone right now.
And I just want to run away.

If you read this..
I'm sorry.
But I feel ten times better...

Loveee.

Animals with numbers as names.
Animals with days of the week as names.
24 hours.. 80 hours.. 11 year olds.

I can honestly say I have always thought something was wrong with me.
I can honestly say that the ONLY thing I have wanted was happiness in my life.
When I sit here, and listen to stories about 6 year olds being BORN schizophrenic,
I can't help but hate myself for ever hating my life.
No, I am not happy.
And no, I don't believe in love.
And no, I do not believe I deserve anything good in my life.
But I will always, always have my health.
I can live life normally.
I can actually go to school while my peers are AT school.
I don't have to wait until everyone is gone.
I don't have a 50/50 chance of being able to control myself one day or not.
I don't have to worry about being separated from my father and brother,
and live in my own apartment at night when I need my space with my mother, across the street.
No matter what happens in my life.
No matter who I lose, or what mistakes I make.
My health will always be there.
I will always, always be able to have a normal life.
I can do what I want, when I want.
I can see what I want.
I can hear what I want.
My thoughts are my own.
I will never be selfish about what happens in my life.
Not having the boy I love, the friends I miss.
Thats nothing.
Health, and family..
Will always, be everything.

"It's hard to keep on fighting, when all you know is losing."

I listen to your favorite bands in hopes I'll find more to you.
You know it's only a matter of time before your favorite band is mine too.
Everday goes by and hope that I'll get closer to you.
That you'll see the good that no one else does.
You know a lot.
Too much.
But I like it.
I get around you and all I do is talk.
I want you to know everything about me.
I want to know everything about you.
I want you to want to know more.
And I just talk.
And you just listen.
Then you talk.
And I listen.
This is the first time in my life I can talk and have someone listen.
And the first time, when someone talks, I WANT to listen.
To hear more. To learn more.
I want to know everything.
What makes you tick?
What makes you break?
What brings you pain?
I want to know it all.
I want to know every little great, horrible, annoying, beautiful thing there is to know about you.
You are why I get up happy in the morning.
God it's been so long since I had a smile on my face when I woke up.
I forgot what it was like to have something real in my life..
FRIENDS.
Honestly, is so okay with me.
When it comes to you.
Friends is perfect.
I couldnt lose you.
Ever.
So friends will be perfect, forever.
Just don't leave me, best friend.
Cause I need you. You're all I have that is real at this point.
You're a great friend, and the best I've ever had.
Don't leave. Cause I wont fight you. I cant.

Angry as always. Imagine thattt.

All of my friends will be gone with college in a week to three
Good. I can't wait.
Friends always seem to blow these days.
"So I'm guessing we're not hanging out?"
Ohhh. Okay. Lets make it seem like that was my fault?
Your facebook said you were outtt. So?
"Cause you never texted me to say we were or weren't so i figured you didnt want to chill so I went."
Ohhh. Okay. So, lets make a big deal out of me being out, and not hanging out. When you're the one who assumed that I wasn't gonna hang out in the first place.
Yeah. That sounds awesome.

Thennn LETS ALL GO TO MUSICFEST WITHOUT ME.
Yesss. please. That sounds awesome.
Yes, I was gonna be with my best friend.
Why couldn't she come?
Yeah. fuckkkk offf.
Lets all just do the stuff Ali wants to do without her.

College can't come sooner.

And then my best guy friend will be gone, yet again as well.
That's one downer of school starting up again.
Fuck everything and everyone. Ughhh

You all fuckin suck.

So it's three thirty.
And I just need to get this shit off my chestttt.

Why is it..
That every. single. one. of my friends.
Treat me with absolutely, no respect.
None, whatsoever.
They break promises.
They tell me lies.
They talk shit.
They hang out with their boyfriends instead of me.
They tell people my secrets.
Like. Why? Why me?
I can honestly say, I keep all your secrets.
When one of you tell me "don't say anything, please?"
I DON'T.
I shut my mouth.
Every fucking time.
Yeah I'm sure there are slip ups.
But never is it about something serious.

Hmmm.
MAYBE I just have a drinking problem,
and need to keep MY MOUTH SHUT.
Yeah. Maybe. But maybe not.
And if not...
You allll fuckinnn suck.

Smiles or laughter? Friends or not?

You know, I would stop everything I do wrong for you.
I'm a horrible person.
I bring out the worst in people.
But you and I are legit the same person.
I can't explain it. You and I just make sense.
But maybe you and I make no sense, and it just seems to make perfect sense, because when nothing else IS making sense, the wrong is right...
Right?
Maybe. Who knows? I sure as hell don't. I don't know anything anymore.
All I know is nothing in this damn world ever makes sense.
Then on the other hand.
There is this perfect boy.
Blonde/blue/vw.
Perfect I tell you.
But everything else.. is where perfection turns to absolutely flawed.
No exaggeration either.
I never get grounded. Or in any amounts of trouble.
But he gets limited driving.. A time for his phone.. and can't see me.. ever.
Now what the fuck is that shit?
He makes me smile.
But how does a constant smile compare to constant laughter.
Well I'll tell you how it compares.
Sometimes you have to settle for just smile, because laughter all the time is too impossible.
No one is always happy, and laughter is always happiness.
Smiling, can be false.
People can hide behind their smiles.
You can't hide behind laughter.
So I'll choose my perfectly flawed man, and smile.
Because laughter is an impossible dream.

My friends are all amazing.
I love each one with my whole heart.
I promise you.
No matter what I'm about to say.
I love them, Always and forever.
But then again...
They do seem to have a lot of things to say behind my back.
I have a drinking problem?
Oh do I now?
Hmmm yes I MUST.
"Because when someone goes to college, and drinks everyday, it's okay, because honey, its college life, it makes sense."
Is that what you guys are telling me?
Are all of you feeding me lies, telling me that it's okay for everyone else to do something utterly stupid, because it makes SENSE?
Did I not just go over how nothing in this world makes sense?
You are all still underage. You are all still immature, irresponsible, and stupid.
You wanna know what I know.
I know, that each and every one of you, have consumed more alcohol than me all year.
But I get blamed for having a problem because I did it three nights in a row.
Cool. I think that's totally fair.
Because now if we think of this in reality..
Lets say, that I drank those three times.. but periodically throughout the week.
Oh look... Problem solved.
Because it wasn't three days in a row, she MUST not have a problem.
Just having a good time.
You are all pathetic. and I truely hate you sometimes.
Tell me how me drinking periodically, and three days in a row is different?
Yeah, I'm still making myself seem like either way I should have a problem..
But let me clear things up for you.
Each one of you, like I said, drank more than me this whole year.
But I drink three times in a week, and am accused of having a problem.
You wanna know what your guys' problems are?
You are horrible friends.
Because instead of talking to ME ABOUT MY SO CALLED FUCKING PROBLEMS...
you talk shit to eachother.
You all suck. You really do.
Who does that shit? Oh right, MY FRIENDS.
"ughhh it makes me so mad she said that! I could tell you what SHE says about you but I don't."
Yeah. You don't. So who is shitty? Her for telling me what you say behind my back, or you for not telling me what she says behind my back?
Hmmm, lets see.. YOU'RE BOTH SHITTY.
Do you guys even know what the word "friend" means?
Do you know that "talking shit on your 'friends'" ISNT IN THE DEFINITION.
Just thought you would like to know.
"Have you drank every day this week?"
"No, just three.."
"It's wednesday."
"Okay yeah, everyday."
"Wow, ha."
Yeah? Coming from YOU?!
You have fuckin nerve.
I never ever ever ever judge you for drinking.
Or having sex. Or saying stupid stuff.
I dont judge you.
Now why do you have to judge me?
Why can't you just let me do what I want?
Why is it, that once I start doing something that you do everyday, once in awhile, I'm wrong.
When you go back to college your fuckin screwed.
I don't even wanna know what you are going to turn into this year.
I really hope you dont forget about me cause i've been here through it all.
I hate what you guys say about me.
And how you all hate me, but wont say it to my face.
But .. Like I said..
I will for always love you.
No matter what.

Today, was all about holding on to you.
I let go of him. But I'm still finding myself, holding on to you.
I loved you. Why? You hated me. Everything about me.
You couldnt stand what I cared about.
You couldnt stand the fact that I cared SO much about you.
I needed you to be the kind of person, that held on too tight.
You didn't care if I left.
I warned you. I told you from day one that I was gonna break your heart.
I wasn't gonna trust you. Not because you gave me reason not too..
But because that's just how I am now. And you told me you wouldn't give up.
You gave up. You gave up on me. So when you ask about me..
When you want to know how I am..
You should know.
You would know that, If you cared at all about me anymore.
But you dont.
"Goodnighttt"
You mean, hello facebook?
Why does every guy, think that I'm stupid.
Facebook? Again? Really though?
How many times do I have to find out that people are liars, through FACEBOOK.
I loved him more than you.
No. That's a lie.
I didnt love him more than you.
I just liked him more.
He cared so much about me.
You wanted me gone.
You wanted me to hurt while you were happy.
He, He just wanted a different life for me.
Fucked up.
Why am I still sticking up for him?
Why am I always so angry about everything?
I will not put the blame on someone else.
This anger is my problem.
And that's why I lose everyone I care about.
It hurts to know that you thought about me.
That you wanted to talk to me.
But now that you got your chance...
Its not worth it anymore.
You told me I wasnt worth it.
I get that now.
I actually believe that you meant it now.
I didnt regret you more.
You just hurt me in a different way than he did.
I'm sorry for ever making you hate me. And for you not seeing that I cared.

Screw anger;; It gets you nowhere.

Heads or tails. (completely rambling.)

Tell me why my hearts still beating, but I feel nothing.
Scars mean nothing but prove that the past was/is indeed real.
My head explodes at the thought of you.
You all make me sick.
I'm just visiting in someone elses perfect life.
And I want out.
I dont like the feeling of worthlessness.
Uselessness. Hopelessness.
Why does everything hurt so much, but not at all?
Maybe something is truly wrong with me.
I mean, I'm writing to a blog. Hoping, praying, wishing for it to mean something.
I can tell everyone in the world to look forward to the future.
Because that's what lifes about, is it not?
You need to live for today, but what about tomorrow?
Who cares about today, cause tomorrow is a new day.
Everyday passes, and a new one begins.
It doesnt matter what you did yesterday; the day before that; or the month before that.
The past is the past.
So why are every one of my actions based on my past?
Tell me, why I'm finally over you.
Goddamn it, it took long enough. I'm over you, sweetie. And I feel so alive.
Yet, so unalive. Who knew that was possible?
Me. I've known it forever now.
I hit one extreme or another every year.
No one knows me like you knew me.
God I hate you for being the best I'll ever have.
Ugh you treated me like shit, and I loved it.
Now when a decent guy comes along, and I push them away in hopes they'll stay.
SINCE WHEN is life like that?
Oh thats right, ITS NOT.
Life is hard for 17 year olds these days.
I can only imagine why adults are so scared of the new world.
Think about it. Our world, will be over, with or without 2012.
The world is becoming a horrible place to live in.
Why do young adults have to worry so much about finding love?
Why do young adults have to worry so much about giving it up?
We have our whole lives to find love, to give it up.
So why is it so important to do so, now?
Because todays day and age, everything sucks.
We have rappers like lil wayne, who have fans that are all drug addicts.
The world is scary. Almost as scary as the people in it.
I'm scared of people.
I'm scared of every single person in my life.
Not because they give me a reason to fear them.
But because they are human.
And humans have a way or hurting others, more ways than one.
Physical pain, will leave in time. Emotion and mental, will stay much, much longer than that.
The emotional and mental pain that one could cause another person in that matter of 7 seconds, is shocking.
3 words could turn someones whole life upside down.
A pause, a hesitation, a mood change, can make or break someone.
Why is the world so scary?
Why is it, that the world is a home to so many horrible, yet beautiful things.
I hate that this blog became me talking about the earth.
If just one person, could read this. and see that deep down, I lie with just one look on my face.
I tell you i'm happy, when deep down I'm dying.
Everyday, I pray happiness will find me.
Why cant happiness just find me?
I've been waiting. Whats it waiting for?
I get upset like this, and do horrible, and stupid things.

Dear him..
You, are beautiful.
You, make my entire day, when you text me.
I've been waiting for someone just like you.
But, you're nothing like the guys that have been in my life.
You're so sweet. Kind. Gentle.
You respect girls.
I didn't know people still did that these days.
What the fuck is respect anymore anyway?
You write stories. Do you know how wonderful that is?
You have a vw. Do you know what wonderful that is?
You just have so much in your heart, and I want to know all about you.
I want to know everything.
Not the things I hear. I want you to tell me.
I want you to WANT to tell me.
I want you, to want me.
But I know that's a lot to ask.
You would hate me if you read my blogs.
I've been bitter, coldhearted, and evil for some time now.
And by the looks of it. I always will be.
But I want you so desperately to see my good side.
But you listen to her. You listen to a bitch, about ME being a bitch.
You need to trust me, when I tell you I'm only a bitch when you deserve it.
Yeah I'm moody. I get upset when you dont text me, so i'm gonna BE moody when you finally do.
I just like playing games. And I know I need to stop, but I cant.
I just want you to like me. I want you to see me, how I see myself.
Because when I'm not hating myself, I find myself to be a very interesting girl.
I dont know if others do.
Most people just see me for what I display for everyone to see.
But i want you to dig deeper.
To know the real me.
But, you wont ever want that. Because you believe what people tell you.
If you would believe me for 5 minutes, you'd see I'm not what people say I am. At all.
You need to know I'd do anything for you if you let me.
I hate knowing that you believe people and not me. cause you and I would be good for eachother.
Maybe not. Cause I would hurt you, cause youre so nice that apparently I ruin the good, and make them evil.
Ugh. I hate myself. You should too. I hope you stop talking to me. that way, no one gets hurt.
We'll both be okay in the end. Maybe thats what we're suppose to learn from all of this.
That talking can be good for some time. But when people start to get to emotional about stupid stuff (me..) then its time to hit the road.
From.. me..

Ya know. I feel like I should sleep. But I have so much to say.
Everything is pouring out.
Why does this happen?
Why does "God", let people get so upset over things?
"everything happens for a reason" is a whole bunch of shit too.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever be a good enough reason for people to die.
For people to hurt. Why is God so good, when he lets people experience the worst kind of evil?
Why is life so filled with pain?
People wake up praying for happiness that will never come.
Its the pursuit of happiness, cause one may never actually have it.
And deep down, everyone knows that.
You have to make happiness.
But when your dealt nothing happy in your life, how do you do such a thing?
It seems impossible for some people to just be happy.
Why? Its so easy for people to be upset, or angry.
Why is happiness so hard to grasp and hold on too?
Because happiness, comes with some kind of love.
And love, isnt real.
No love is strong enough to give you happiness all the time.
And why is that?
Because HAPPPINESS, and LOVE, are both two completely different things, that are debateable whether or not someone experiences them or not.
Its a coin game everyday.
Will you find love, or not?
Happiness, or not?
Will you smile today, or not?
Its heads or tailsl; pick one.

It hurts worse everyday.
But without you I'm better off.
I know that. But it's hard to live with.
I'll find better than you.
It's not hard to beat.
But I loved you.
I need you to give my heart back.
All your promises and lies hurt everyday.
"Your my dream come true. I prayed for someone like you everyday"
Me too baby, but that was in the world where me and you were meant to be.
Boy, times have changed.
I'm the best you'll ever have.
HA.
sucks for you baby.
I love you.
But I'll let go now <3
Have a nice life. I mean that.
I hope she pushes you to do your best.
I hope she tells you never to give up.
Cause you'll go places.
And plus. If shes gonna be pregnant by 18, you gotta figure a way out to pay for the dipers baby.
HA!
sucks for you baby.
Ohhh, how I love you.
Chinks are hot though. I agree.
Half rotten teeth. Even hotter.
When my nails are going down someone elses back, I hope you feel it, breathe it in. And deal with it. Fucker.
Yeah. I love you. But I hate you. So I'm gonna let go.
And move on. And wait for blue eyed blonde boy I've been hoping for since I was 13.

Ahhhhhhh get me out of this house.
I'm dyinggg in here.
I think too much about everything I dont/cant/wont have.
And it blows.
Depression takes a new toll when youre stuck inside a house.

I made a mistake.
I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
I have to live with this now.
I don't need everyone judging me.
I'm sorry I messed up.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
Goodness gracious I wish typing all of this meant something.
It doesn't. It never will.

Eminem has gotten me through the past week.
I wish he knew that he saves my life, every time I hit a rough patch.
Him, Nick Jonas, Edward Cullen, Mayday. Party on baby. Party on.

Hey marissa :)

Can't wait to get this all out.

Friends.
Mean nothing when they arent around.
Friends forever? Really. When did forever become never ?
Friendship is suppose to run deeper than all of this.
Why do people insist on giving up and giving in to everything?
Yeah, I am not the easiest person to get along with at times.
But I want the same things everyone else does.
I want love, happiness, and friendship.
I want a good life.
I want to be able to wake up AND go to sleep with a smile on my face.
Hell, I want to have a smile on my face, and feel like I'm not betraying someone. Including myself.
Friends mean NOTHING when they aren't around.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
When I need you, where are YOU?
Oh, YOU.. are with your guys. You are fucking in love with everyone.
If it has a penis, youre all over it.
Why dont you think about someone other than you for a day?
How about for five minutes, and we'll be even.
Then theres YOU.
Honestly, you are fake, and everythinkg I thought you weren't.
The truth comes out when you are put under shitty situations I guess.
UGHHH YOU.
are a liar and it gets so annoying.
I dont even know what to say to you half the time.
Make up more people, please, I love it.
YOU. i hate you.
I never want to talk to you again.
Please.
I beg you.
Stay out of my life.
You bring out the worst in me.
You don't do anything for me, other than cause me pain, every, single, day.
I cried today because I hate seeing you smile.
I hate knowing I mean NOTHING to you.
But you mean everything to me.
But whats funny is..
You'll never amount to who I love.
He has so much more of me.
He took my heart and ran with it.
You. Ha, you didnt even want my heart.
So it's funny how this bothers me.
And funny how you think youre better than me.
Everything we had was a lie on both parts.
You are a piece of shit.
And you'll never know what you have done to me.
I never want you to know.
What I do want.
Is for you to get your hold off me.
I cant live my life knowing that I might hurt you if I change my mind.
I hate you.
I hate you so much.
I hate myself for letting you pass by...
I hate myself more than ever.
Lies.
I hate myself, for than anyone, ever.
Everything for the past 3 years is finally becoming clear.
I'm the piece of shit.
I'm the liar.
I'm the self centered bitch.
I'm everything all of you are.
And I hate it.
I hate you.
But I hate me the most.